Simple but Complicated

I took my 15-year-old Suburu Outback with 172,000 plus miles in for a check-up. I’m planning a road trip and wanted to see if she was up to the task. As I awaited the outcome, an attractive older couple, each touting bright white hair, arrived and settled in on the tall, small round silver table behind me. The classy looking woman went in search of coffee. I knew this because I could clearly see her fiddling around the machine by the coffee pods I had checked out earlier. Upon her return I inquired as to the ease of the machine in acquiring her goal.

“Simple but complicated,” she uttered, with a mischievous glint in her eyes.

Those words struck me like lightning.

“Isn’t that just like life?” I thought. “Simple but Complicated.” Off my mind went in a flurry, doing one of my favorite things, pondering words.

Life is simplicity plus more. Right? Isn’t that what we think in our younger years? We live, we learn, we grow older. Simplicity. We breathe without even thinking about it. Most of us at least. We go to bed at night and hopefully go astral traveling, location unknown, and awake in the morning ready to do life all over again. Most of us. We drink something and our throats automatically swallow. We eat something and we automatically chew. We walk, talk, without thinking twice. Our eyelids open and close, and our body does its job digesting and expelling all that isn’t necessary any longer. Things that are as natural as Luna arising in the evening and precious Sun arising in the morn. Simply simple.

Paradoxically, life is complicated to such a degree there are times we find ourselves crying out to the Universe, “Why?” I guess you could say Complication is more our Foundation whether we like it or not, meaning dealing with the complications in life gives us that stronger foundation to carry on and discover “why.” What would life be like if it stayed simple?

And so it was that decisions became a new aspect in our youth. We learned very young what decisions would do to our lives. Decision making could make it simple-listen to what your parents tell you to do or complicated-chose to defy them, teachers, all those telling you what to do and suddenly life gets very complicated.

For those of us who once made decisions as a pair and then found yourself a one, decision making can be so complicated. Do I get rye bread, whole wheat or sourdough? Or any bread at all? Which electric company should I use? What tires to buy? What repairs on the house do I tackle and which do I hire out? All those things that were relatively simply decided when there was two become too complicated to do as one. Thousands of decisions that could lead us one way or t’other.

This process of life continues over time for everyone. Yes, that magical word-time. And, over time, making decisions as a one begins by finding ourselves coming out of the gray mist we lived in and discover we are quite capable of making those decisions by ourselves. It was, however, a complicated journey. We find there are others who can talk us through the process even though the end decisions are ultimately ours to make. So simple to do, with the right tools.

I had been taking out the garbage for so long now that it has become a simple process. I found myself grateful for this healthy body that was oh, very proficient in rolling out those containers to the street curb. Yes, gratitude begins to take a major role in this thing called life. Gratitude for all things simple and for those complicated things which turn into opportunities of growth.

One of my favorite movies is Runaway Bride. There is a scene where Julia Roberts, the runaway bride, has numerous versions of eggs laid out on the stove before her to decide which was her favorite. Apparently up until this point in the movie, she had always chosen her boyfriend’s favorite egg style as her own. It had been so simple for her to just go along with their choices. A turning point came when complication slapped her in the face. Confronted by Richard Gere that she didn’t know who she really was, she chose to go down the rabbit hole of the Discovery of Her. As a side note, I did also do the egg test and have discovered Eggs Benedict with turkey bacon are my favorite eggs. It was kind of complicated making and trying out all those egg styles, but fun.

I think that’s what it’s like in the Simple but Complicated lives we all live. I think of that scene a lot as I have taken on that same task these years since my loved ones passed. Who am I if I’m not Max’s wife? Not the reporter or Pastor’s wife. You get the idea.

In 2021 I found myself spending a weekend sitting in front of my computer watching Michael Sheridan’s yearly Dream Interpretation Summit. Somehow, I knew it was time for me to look inside myself and dig around in there to see where Roda was hiding under all those facades I had been living. I’d stuffed so much of me down inside I think I simply, no pun intended, got lost.

Now THAT was complicated. Lots and lots of hard work, digging up and ridding myself of the old, finding the Roda I had been lo, those many years ago, and who I would like to bring to the surface again. The one who trusted, who felt her heart jump at Christmas, who could laugh at the silliest things. You know, the simpler life. Going through all the classes to become all those things I’d always wanted to be helped tremendously, but it hasn’t stopped there.

I learned I could make major decisions, on my own. Complications are now a nuisance but not a block. I also realized I had built wonderful support tools around me, as I’ve mentioned in other blogs, in the great team of fabulous, talented people who help me. It was complicated accepting the fact that I do have these great folk in my life. You know, getting past the unworthiness. They help me get back to things being...ah, yes, so simple.

I believe the difference is that now, as I understand the complications of life-grief, relationships, the trips our minds take us on, the prisons that hold us by thought alone, following that path we desperately wish to discover in our soul’s journey- that the puzzle fits together a lot more easily. I’m learning to accept who I am for what I am and trust what that may be, letting the flow simply go. I’m also learning what I will accept and won’t in life’s ongoing complications.

When it all boils itself down, I find when I reach those exquisite few moments where I am totally at peace, I lean back, put on a good ole’ Hallmark movie and know, without a doubt...Life can have its moments to be Simply Simple.

I’ve come to believe when I stop trying so hard and realize I do not need to keep myself in the prisons of the lies I’ve told myself for decades, I find those prison doors have no locks and all chains and restrictions fall from me. Come, walk with me out into freedom and enjoy a beautiful day. Make the choice to let the mantra ring out like I learned in AlAnon-Keep It Simple, in spite of complications. Therein lies the peace.

Roda Grubb

Still Asking, Still Learning, Still Becoming