Unraveling Rigid

Unraveling Rigid

Over a month ago I was told I was too rigid. My first thought was to laugh. Who Me? Rigid? Surely not. I’m the girl who has a “Think Outside the Box” sign on my wall I look at from my desk. How in the world could I be considered Rigid? And thus began my deep dive into something seemingly so simple. But for me, the Overthinker, give me a word and I will Overthink it every time.

I’ll start with the basic angle, head on, the thing I could see I was most rigid about. Back in the 90s it got a bit confusing deciding what to wear to work, heels, skirts, outfits. So, I looked up colors in one of my many numerological books and found a simple formula to arrive at my personal color of the day. The colors were from 1 to 9, the whole rainbow, and then I’d start over again. Calculating the color of the day led to easy clothing decisions. Once I figured out the code of the month it was easy to figure out my code of the day. Panties were arranged in the drawer by color as were the clothes hanging in the closet. For over 30 years I had been following that code and now I looked at it from another angle. Was that Rigid or a routine?

Rigid, according to Merriam-Webster, is: deficient in or devoid of flexibility; appearing stiff and unyielding; inflexibly set in opinion and firmly inflexible rather than lax or indulgent. So many ways to understand this apparently simple word.

I began thinking of various ways Rigid meant to me and found some interesting results. Being Rigid, in one respect, helped me stay in control and safe. Ah, yes, Safe. Am I feeling fear and need that cloak of protection and safety around me? Isn’t that what we long for, strive for, live for? At my age it is one of my main goals-to stay safe. That means a healthy body, ability to care for my home, the yard, make good decisions. You know…live. But, am I limiting myself living like that.

After the accusation, as I lived each day following my daily rituals, I found myself questioning if it was me being Rigid or was it only a basic daily routine. If being Rigid was going to keep me from moving forward with my spiritual gifts and life’s work, which started this whole conversation, then by all means, I was going to get to the bottom of this and be finally rid of Rigid. So, I looked again.

Rigid couldn’t just mean daily living. Thursdays are Laundry Day. Is that Rigid or simply a routine so I can be free on the weekends? What is the Rigid that had clearly been showing up symbolically in my dreams way before I was pronounced “Rigid.” They were telling me until I broke through my Rigidness, I would not be able to move forward. I dove back in.

Was I too Rigid about the food I eat? There, I believe, I was a little more Rigid. The love I have for Sprout’s Purple Potato Chips probably is not the best thing. On the other hand, those roasted cauliflower, beets, carrots and garlic I loved making could possibly erase the Purple Potato Chip negative in my life.

Deeper I took my handy shovel. What else could I find out about Rigid and me? What if I didn’t see that Rigid part of me? If I looked at it from another angle, would it show me more? Further down the slide I went.

Reading from the myriad of things I follow, a new way of looking sent me to a familiar area. Guess where? I kinda admit I laughed when this different angle appeared. Right back to childhood, probably even those formative years which are so tremendously powerful to all. Now here is where my Rigid could cause roadblocks. Ah, but what does that mean?

I found I have been stuck in a belief system which wasn’t even mine. Yep. Those good old patterns which wormed their way into my subconscious because it was all I knew at the time. I learned to think I wasn’t good enough, something was wrong with me. I could go on but maybe you already know the drill. I listened and absorbed what those older, and supposedly wiser adults, had said about me and they had found a home in my subconscious, to live there directing my thought patterns all my years. It was these thought patterns creating the blocks which now held me back and I hadn’t even noticed.

Remember that myth I told you in “Thoughts are Not Reality,” where we keep ourselves locked in an unlocked prison, never bothering to check if the bolt on that door was even latched? Rigid was there for sure in how I believed in me. All these years I still carried unwarranted thought patterns. I found, also, I was so comfortable in my routines, I forgot to even think of changing the familiar patterns, maybe afraid of the change too.

Ok. First the pattern has to be recognized. Yes, we can come to our senses and turn the doorknob. Once we open the latch, it’s a long climb up those steps from the dark cell in our mind up to the open courtyard, sun shining bright. In studying Rigid, it occurred to me that the Rigid control of routines could be set free. I had not even noticed I was Rigid as it was so ingrained in me.

I have now come to see that some routines are good, keeping me healthy, strong and moving through my days easily. It’s the Rigid, hidden conditioning, programming which holds me back. Taking this deep dive into the world of Rigid awakened me to a new understanding of who I truly am now, choosing to be free to be me. Cleaning the cobwebs of my past hasn’t been as easy as I thought but I am a tenacious rascal. The clearing is happening. I believe in me and my supportive friends. I thank God for them.

The other day a passage from a reading of Lama Sing, channeled through Al Miner, libraryofconsciousness.org, caught my attention. It was how to prepare oneself prior to doing healing work as Jesus did. In essence it says to look inside and feel love for ourselves, that love as an extension of a mightier healer, as we prepare to heal others.

Something was different this time when I visualized loving thoughts to me. Perhaps it was this past month of learning what being less Rigid meant. I visualized going inside me, watching blood flow, seeing my bones and organs and sending pure, unadulterated love throughout. I visualized Creator sending love to me and I got shivers. Somehow, I understood the harsh Rigid I felt for myself was ready to be released. I am worthy, I am loveable, I Am That I Am.

I believe I’m on the right path now, being open, willing. I will Think Outside the Box, not just read the sign. Breaking free from all those various forms of Rigid will open me to using my spiritual gifts in new and exciting ways. It’s already happening. Helping others. I guess I’ll have to wait and see what my dreams say but I do believe, yep, I’m on my way.

How about you? Let me know what Rigid means to you and Enjoy the Quest.

Roda Hilenski Grubb

Still Asking, Still Learning, Still Becoming