Magical Moments of Insight

Don’t you love it when you have those inspirational moments-it could be seconds or maybe even a full minute or two-when something almost magical seems to happen and suddenly solutions become crystal clear of what you are to do? Maybe it’s during meditation, driving down the road, sitting outside in nature or while your mind is in blank mode as you’re dusting or cleaning floors. The caveat is-do you write it down or even record it on your phone so you will remember it before it flies back out into the ethers forever to be lost?

I had one of those a minute ago and decided I’d better write it down to see if it actually goes anywhere. Here, I’ll share it with you.

I am sitting in meditation, winding down and finishing up, watching the flow of thoughts pass across my mind like a ticker-tape machine and one of my biggies rolled in: Fear of Financial Insecurity.

I didn’t even know I had it until I joined AlAnon back in 1982 when Max went into AA, Alcoholics Anonymous. Given how I think I was taught about money, I probably had the fear from the first thrift store I ever entered. Not for being thrifty, but for how I was taught to think about money. For the next 21 years in AlAnon I learned so much about myself. It gave me a firm foundation to continue the work and ability to define the fear clearly.

I’d already read much on the Edgar Cayce material, reincarnation, karma, and the like, so felt grateful I had this wonderful support tool to help me continue the work on self. The money thing appeared as a large neon sign in the apparent karmic issues I had decided to work on this lifetime. Oh, joy.

But, as I have discovered in my self-work, I am not the fastest turtle on the block in getting things done. Perhaps sloth-like would be more fitting. It is not for lack of wanting, trying, which have become useless words to me, but for not having a clear path to cleansing it out of my system.

To be honest, I am not sure what continues to have it pop up as a block for me. I believe, if any of my reveries into past lives are true, being framed in France and thrown into debtors’ prison, being a maid in London, or maybe that lifetime when I was a depressed, uncaring queen after being jilted, could be a link to the need to deal with it this lifetime. Oh, yes, there was also the time I was stoned to death for following Jesus over 2,000 years ago, but I was too young for money to be an issue in that life. There are a few others but, suffice it to say, there are probably traits from past lives I’ve chosen to bring into this lifetime and this one has shown up for me to do a karmic cleansing on now.

Oh, yes, let’s not forget my parents living through the great depression and teaching us, somehow, that money, specifically the lack of it, is reason to fear. Now, mind you, that could be a safe conclusion to reach, however, that has not been my case. I’ve worked since I was 15 years old, not always for the best of salaries, but bills were paid and food was plentiful.

It is becoming quite interesting writing this and seeing it unfold on paper like this. So, if I have realized all this and have gone through all the hard work to face it, tell it to leave and find it still tagging along after me like a calf following its mom, what, where, why is the darn karmic dance still showing up as if I’m learning the tango from the first step?

In the last few days I’ve been pondering, yes, I am a great ponderer, on this karmic lesson I’ve been trying to get the best of. The other day whilst climbing out of the shower the words “change your attitude” popped into my mind. I don’t know about you, but the shower is where much of my good work begins.

Since that seemed like a brilliant, albeit belated hint, I decided the first place to look at it was from my cloud, high in the sky. Life happened and, of course, I didn’t find the time to do that until this morning. And we get back to the theme of following those inspirational moments.

As I was watching the ticker tape play across my mind, the Fear of Financial Insecurity rolled in capital letters from the right to the left and a thought jumped into my floundering brain.

“Why not look at the fear of financial insecurity as an opportunity instead of a problem?”

I hope you noticed it was not capitalized this time. In ALL those many times I have read in SO many of the books and heard in lectures, “turn the problem into opportunities,” or as Michael Sheridan says, “the obstacle is not in the way-it is the way,” once more I found the solution was there and apparently simple enough. Let’s take a look-see.

Turning this inspirational moment into a solution. I have now written about it, remembered my other moment a few days ago which reminded me of how a dear friend had told me at a young age he had decided he simply was not going to worry about money and never has had to. There is a feeling happening that something definitely is shifting around my heart, a new warmth around this topic.

Will this lead to the final dissolution of this lifelong karmic burden, spiritual challenge, whatever you wish to call it? I am not sure. I do know for a fact, as I sit here writing about it, seeing this from the new angle of changing my attitude and looking at it as a grand opportunity, seems to have lightened the load tremendously. I can even think about it with a few chuckles. Maybe it will help my lower back pain which metaphysically means lack of support and financial fears.

I haven’t taken this new attitude out into my world of bills and life yet but, quicker than I could imagine, it seems to be becoming more of one of those dares I’ve faced head on. There was that time during a Ropes Course I climbed to the top of a telephone pole and jumped. I was caught, of course, but I did it. There was screaming all the way down BUT, do you get it? I faced the tiger and I did it! Sorry, I digress.

Getting back on course, these mystical moments seem to me to be like that. A gift, then a dare-will you use it, trust it, be inspired by it? How many times have you had the solution pop up into your mind but then a distraction led you away from it and that precious flash was gone, until, hopefully, it was given to you in another form or fashion, or not.

I shared this example of how I am choosing to use the magic the universe gifts to us. It’s a visual reminder to me that the universe is really here for us, if we listen. Carry a notebook, learn how to record on your phone, or however you want to grab hold of that encouraging boost which could be the exact sign you need to keep you on your life’s path. Hear, Listen, DO. The universe is talking to you.

And aren’t we the luckier for it?

Roda Grubb

Still Asking, Still Learning, Still Becoming